She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
try to milk me bitch
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