my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
