Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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