Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
