I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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