well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
