Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
