oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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