I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
