Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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