good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize