I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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