No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
