Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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