his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
