Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
