Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
