Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
