oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I checked into jail on foursquare
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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