Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
