I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
