I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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