they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
