clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
