she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
