if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Damn victory sex feels great
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
