Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
