Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There are leaves in my underwear?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize