I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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