i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
