i was born a porn star she said
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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