My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
