I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
