Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
