We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
