Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
