I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
