i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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