just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
