you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
