I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
