I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
