I skipped work to stalk him.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
