Kiss
Puke
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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