saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
