end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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