if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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