I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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