Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Two words: nipple clamps
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