I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
