Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
