I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
