my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just google imaged poop.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
