seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize