Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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