but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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