pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
