You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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