Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
