i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
