what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
