I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
