I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
