oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
