She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
