break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
