I'm sorry my penis didn't work
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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