this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
