I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
