Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did i walk over a car last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
