your room smells of hookers.
And success
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
