just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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